Behavioral Science
by Rayless Night
Summary: WA 4 pregame with spoilers. Heinrich puts the moves on Ethelda. Hauser watches, for a while.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Lengthy Note that You Can Skip Though You Should Still Read the Disclaimer:_

_This story wasn't supposed to happen._

_For my first WA 4 oneshot, "Castle in the Air", I'd put a lot of thought into what Ethelda Maverick's backstory as an ARM scientist might have been like, ideas on how the war could have affected her, her research, her relationship with Hauser. Just so I could write her character well. Most of the information I fabricated is totally absent from "Castle in the Air," mainly because it's unnecessary to that story. So, I put the rest of Ethelda's backstory in a dark little cupboard in the back of my brain where it wouldn't bother anyone and I could forget about it._

_And then I let my attention wander. And while that happened, my Worse Self woke up, snatched Ethelda's backstory, saw the potential for humor, and went running. And, you know, my Worse Self runs much faster than my Better Self, so it was no contest._

_My Worse Self also has a goofy sense of humor._

_Disclaimer: this is entirely speculative; there are two original characters featured, but don't let them bother you. This story, by the way, is a two-shot, as in, two chapters only. And the Mongoose ARM is the same as the Divine Weapon, but, when this story's taking place, no one wants to use it as a weapon. So they call it Mongoose. Did I mention the goofy sense of humor?_

_Wild ARMS IV is the property of XSeed and Media Vision (name incorrectly punctuated because FNN won't let me do it right). Rating is for language, mild violence, and suggestive themes._

* * *

**Behavioral Science**

**Chapter One: Syllogisms**

Heinrich hoped it would be a good day.

He studied himself in his full-length wardrobe mirror. Not bad. Not an eyesore by any sense of the word. In fact, he was a fine specimen of a twenty-nine year old professional nanotechnologist. After smoothing his tie, he retrieved his folder, found a pen, went outside, got into his car and drove to the General's. General was a stupid name really, insufferably cutesy, but the other scientists thought it was just too clever. What else would you call the head of the ARMs Project (codename: Operation Mongoose)? Why not...Head of the ARMs Project? Heinrich didn't understand his colleagues sometimes. He certainly didn't understand why they called it the Mongoose ARM. Heinrich had tried. Really tried. To change their minds, that is. He suggested they use a codename with some sort of significance: Gaia, or Anastasis, or even Yggdrassil would've made sense. But no. They'd insisted on Mongoose.

The General's name was TV. Actually, his name was Terrence Wallace, but he liked being called TV. Never mind that Wallace didn't start with a V. He claimed that you could legitimately pronounce it Vallace. Heinrich snorted and leaned over his steering wheel, trying to gauge the traffic's back-up.

TV, at that moment, was trying to get his daughter out of bed. TV was an older man, his head a high and gleaming dome of baldness with a scarf of hair around the back to keep it warm. He had small, smart gimlet-ty eyes of a lovely green and a thick fringe of brown hair on his upper lip. Dressed in a blue tee shirt and old jeans, he peered at his firstborn from behind gold-rimmed glasses. "Chloe? Do you want to come? If you don't, you have to stay with Mrs. Pole."

Chloe's head appeared from under her coverlet and a large stuffed Hanpan doll. "What? Da-ad, I'm fourteen. You always let me stay home alone."

"Not when I know you're going to be sneaking off to see that Devin creature of yours." The Devin creature was Chloe's latest boyfriend, and TV was quite strict when it came to unsupervised dates. TV's wife was away visiting her mother. Mrs. Pole was already watching the younger children, and she'd be more than happy to have Chloe to help her.

"Fine, fine," Chloe grumbled, sorting herself out from the bedclothes. "Gimme fifteen minutes."

When Heinrich got to the Wallace house, he knocked once. No one answered. TV had said to just let himself in, but Heinrich hated doing that. It seemed so forward. With a disapproving grimace, Heinrich let himself in.

The front hall led directly past the living room into the kitchen at the far end of the house. Heinrich made for the living room, his instincts telling him that this was the appropriate waiting place for a guest when no one seems to be awake yet. Then he heard sounds coming from the kitchen. Ah, TV must be up. Well, it was his, Heinrich's, duty to go and be social. He went to the kitchen and found Hauser Blackwell standing at the counter, eating a toaster pastry and glancing over the sports section of the morning paper.

"Ah, good morning," Heinrich said, covering his surprise. He knew Hauser from the latter's time in the lab, which was frequent. He also knew that Hauser was a personal friend of the Wallaces. He hadn't known that Hauser was going to be joining this little jaunt, but there he was, ragged black jacket, wild hair, broad facial scar and all.

Hauser gestured with his toaster pastry in a "Oh, hello, I'm in the middle of an interesting article" sort of way.

Heinrich tucked his folder under his arm and put his hands in his pockets, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. What was he supposed to say? He had to say something. Where was TV?

"Uh, I didn't know you were on furlough."

Hauser shrugged. It was common knowledge to anyone who had any sort of association with him that his furloughs were a minor joke. If he wasn't spending them being analyzed by Operation Mongoose, he was being called back to the field due to some emergency. And you know, newspapers with decent sport sections were damned hard to come by in the field. So were toaster pastries. Hauser ignored Heinrich.

"Ah...where's TV?"

"Upstairs." Hauser discarded the sport section and picked up the comics.

"Why are you here? Always glad to have you, of course," Heinrich added automatically.

"There's some disturbance up beyond Baskar," Hauser answered, eyes still on the page. "While you all finish up, I'm going to check it out."

"Oh, hallo, Hauser!" Chloe said brightly as she came in, red hair bouncing. Hauser gave her an abstracted smile. "What? Are those the comics? Gimme." With a sigh, the Black Reaper relinquished the comics and reached for the movie reviews.

Fifteen minutes passed. Heinrich attempted to make light conversation with Chloe. Chloe, engrossed in the comics and teenager-in-the-morning angst, answered entirely in single syllables. Heinrich shook his head slightly and rocked on the balls of his feet some more.

Then TV came down, a large briefcase under his arm. "Everyone eaten? Good, let's get going."

They piled into TV's minivan, TV and child in the front, Hauser and Heinrich in the middle. The back was filled with recyclables TV had forgotten to drop off yesterday. Heinrich was rather miffed he didn't get the seat right next to the window.

They pulled out of the driveway. TV looked sternly at his daughter. "Now, don't waste this trip listening to music. Get to work on your math. What are you working on?"

"Logic," Chloe said dully. "Truth tables. Syllogisms."

"Well, get on it."

Heinrich leaned forward. "So, TV, everything's settled?"

"Heh?" TV glanced at him in the rearview mirror. "What's settled?"

"My, eh, blind date?"

"Oh yeah. She's fine for tonight. Where're you taking her?"

"Ptolomea's."

Chloe executed an excellent example of a wolf whistle. "That's pretty expensive for a first date. And you've never even met her?"

"Oh...well, I spare no expense." Actually, Heinrich had won the free dinner for two at a drawing at his favorite dry cleaner, but no one needed to know that, especially his date. He addressed TV again. "I looked up her webpage, but there wasn't a lot about her. She has a Ph.D. in nanotechnology and she's part of Mongoose."

"She's blonde and very cute," TV recited. "She has excellent hygiene and a sense of humor."

Hauser, who'd been staring out the window, glanced over. "Ethelda Maverick?"

TV nodded. "Yeah, I figured setting her up with Heinrich couldn't do her any permanent damage."

"Excuse me?" said Heinrich.

TV grinned. "No, no, it's a compliment. Though she may be a bit loopy when you see her. She's been in Baskar since five this morning. With Augst."

"Damn," said Hauser feelingly.

"Not in front of Chloe," TV said.

"Ethelda Maverick," Heinrich repeated slowly to himself. He frowned.

"Eth for short," said Chloe.

"I beg your pardon?"

"You know. A nickname. She says Ethelda sounds too much like the heroine of an old opera. She also says Eth sounds like you're lisping, but she'd rather you lisp. Just don't accidentally spit into her face."

Heinrich frowned again. He rather liked the name Ethelda. It had gravitas. Now, her last name... "Her last name," Heinrich said, "what sort of last name is that? It sounds like a professional moniker. She's not a -an exotic performer on the side?"

Heinrich was peripherally aware of Hauser rolling his eyes. TV said, "As far as I know, no."

Heinrich opened his folder. "Er, do you know a lot about her?"

"Of course. Nice girl. Very smart. Good hygiene."

"You already mentioned the hygiene, Dad."

"In this day and age, good hygiene is worth a second mention."

"Uhm," Heinrich said. "Well then, could you answer a few questions about her?"

"Why?" asked Hauser.

"Well, it's for my behavioral science thesis." Heinrich's behavioral science thesis was very precious to him, especially because he hadn't yet thought up his thesis. He had a vague idea he wanted to theorize the most predictable behavioral patterns of humans under stress to see if he could rewire their synapses and brain-waves to make them respond more rationally. He'd already documented thirty-one subjects in various stressful situations. A blind date certainly qualified. Heinrich pulled out a chart and filled in the name Ethelda Maverick, then checked off her sex as female. He cleared his throat. "Okay, how old is she?"

"Ah..." said TV blankly. "I don't know. Twentyish."

"Twenty-four," said Hauser.

Heinrich filled that in. "Okay, when was the last time she menstruated?"

Profound silence filled the minivan.

"_**The hell?"**_ said Hauser.

"E-w-w-w," from Chloe. "That's just wrong!"

TV cleared his throat. "Chloe, how's your math going."

"Bad. I can't keep these syllogisms straight. I just don't care about stupid p and stupid q."

"Well, p and q are just letters that can stand for something important."

"Fine," said Heinrich, closing his folder. "I suppose none of you care that it _is_ an important factor to my experimentation."

TV glanced at his daughter. "Just label p and q. It'll be easier. Come on, try the law of detachment."

"Fine."

"Ahem," Heinrich interrupted, "I have more questions-"

Chloe turned and looked at him from over her headrest. Her eyes narrowed. She turned back to her book. "Well. Let p represent 'Heinrich makes a bad impression' and q represent 'Eth breaks her laptop over his head'."

"_Excuse_ me-"

"So, the law of detachment is... Okay, Heinrich _definitely_ makes a bad impression and Eth _definitely_ brains him."

TV nodded. "Exactly. It's an inevitable conclusion."

Heinrich began, "I hardly think this is-"

"Now, let's see," Chloe went on, "the opposite is untrue. The fallacy of the converse. That would be... Heinrich definitely got beaned, so he definitely made a bad impression."

"You see how it's an invalid argument?" TV asked. "It doesn't have to be p. Eth could easily bean him for another reason."

"Easily," said Hauser.

"So just switching the two factors doesn't keep it true. Now, what about the law of contraposition?"

"Lesse." Chloe studied her notes. "That one says that Heinrich didn't get beaned, so that means he didn't make a bad impression."

"Exactly. You can know at least that much. And its opposite?"

"That's the fallacy of the inverse. Meaning Heinrich didn't make a bad impression, so he didn't get beaned."

"Right. Impressions aside, it could still end painfully."

Heinrich rubbed his forehead.

"And there's reasoning by transitivity," Chloe went on. "That involves an r. Okay, r represents 'we all laugh'. So, it goes like this: if Heinrich makes a bad impression, Eth wallops him with her laptop. If Eth wallops him with her laptop, we all laugh. Therefore, if Heinrich makes a bad impression, we all laugh."

"Very good."

They'd hit the Baskar Badlands by then. There wasn't much point to putting a car through that sand and shale, so TV parked. Ethelda's car was already there as well as several vehicles from the surveyors and miners they'd taken with them. The four trudged towards Baskar Village. There were several caves in this area, low on the surface but very deep, and traces of Aguelite and Germatron had been found within. Both of these elements were crucial to the construction of the Mongoose ARM, and TV had dispatched Ethelda and Augst to oversee the investigation. He was quite aware how slow the work would be. They would've started around five or six. It was now ten in the morning with plenty more hours to go.

Heinrich, still new to the Mongoose Squad (those names...) had met Augst only once. He glanced towards the caves, a tumble of activity with a steady stream of miners exiting and entering. Surveyors prowled around, taking readings and measurements. There was even a young man with a witching rod, presumably looking for water. Several low tents had been set up. Heinrich noted that several had laptops propped on tripods. He swallowed. His palms were suddenly sweaty. He wiped them on his white lab coat, which he always wore, hoping they'd be dry by the time he had to shake hands.

He heard Augst's voice, and when he looked ahead, he saw Augst. The scientist was crouching on his heels in front of a young woman. He had several long loops of string around his hands which he was shifting over his fingers. "This is a good trick. Watch, I'm going to put your hand in a knot, then release it, all without untying anything. Just got to set the string up. Okay, bunny into the burrow and then a roll over... All right, now put your hand in."

"In where?" said the woman.

"Between the two loopy X's."

The woman stuck her hand into the tangle of string. Augst released his hold on the strings, which were now wound around her wrist. "Aha. See, you're caught. But, with just a few short loops.." He took up the strings again, muttering, "Frog on the lily pad, cow jumps over the moon, do a Baskar fire drill and -voila!" He removed his hands. "You're free!"

The string was still wrapped up her arm and three of her fingers had been tied together.

"Hum," said Augst. "It worked before. Let me see...frog on the lily pad, cow jumps over the moon, do a Bas- Oh hell, forget it." With much effort, he and the woman managed to pry her arm out of the tangle. Just then TV called out a welcome. The two looked up, and Heinrich's eyes met those of the woman.

At first, he didn't think much of her. She was badly sunburned for one thing, and her face was tense. She looked slightly malnourished, her cheekbones too sharp, and there were dark rings under her eyes. Her eyes were narrowed, and her chapped lips were compressed. Then, as he stared, the tension faded. The thin lips changed into a wide, gentle smile. The deep blue eyes rounded, and he saw she had long dark eyelashes. The line of her jaw became soft and delicate, and the wind blew her short blonde hair against her highly kissable cheeks. Then she opened her mouth and said, "Hauser, I didn't know you were going to be here."

Heinrich blinked, then turned and saw the Reaper had been standing directly behind him. Hauser grinned. "It was a last minute thing."

Ethelda Maverick rose and walked past Heinrich, holding her elbows a bit shyly. _Hmph, _Heinrich thought. _Hero worship. They always say they want intellect, and they always go for the big jock types._

"How's it going?" the big jock type asked, jerking his chin in the direction of the excavation.

"Pretty good. I mean, slow, but good. We found some cool cave paintings. They're pretty close in. I'll show you guys as soon things have cleared up a bit." She looked around at the others. "Oh, hey, Chloe. You decided to come?"

"Yeah." She pointed. "You're dating _him_?"

Ethelda looked blankly over at Heinrich. "Oh," she said, jerking her mouth into a smile, "are you Heinrich? I'm Ethelda." She held out her hand.

Heinrich tightened his jaw and shook her hand, which was a bit sweaty. "I'm very pleased to meet you."

They dropped each other's hands. Heinrich tried on a bit of a smile. A small, dignified one.

"He wants to know _weird_ things about you," said Chloe.

Heinrich _had_ hoped it would be a good day. "I thought we'd eat at Ptolomea's," he said quickly.

"Oh, ah, sure," Ethelda said, rather at a loss. "I'll have to swing by my house for better clothes." She, rather quickly, turned back to Hauser. "So, what're you doing here? I thought you were on furlough. You should be relaxing."

"I'm going to be scouting around here some," Hauser answered evasively. His exact words, Heinrich recalled, had been about "checking out a disturbance". That wasn't all he was checking out, Heinrich thought as the two of them stared at each other for no apparent reason.

"So," Heinrich said, "what do you know about behavioral science?"

Ethelda looked a bit as if she were coming up for air. "Er, not much, I admit. I-"

"Well," said Hauser. "I'll get on with my reconnaissance. I should be back sometime after noon, if all goes well."

"Be careful," said Ethelda.

"Behavioral science," said Heinrich, "has a deep and rich history dating all the way back to the Elw. They used to think that irrational actions were based on the amount of animal dung in the soil, so they would take dung and..."


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: Ah, so you've hung around for the second installment. You are made of stern stuff._

**Chapter Two: Talent Where Talent Matters**

When Hauser returned from his scouting, he found Chloe sunbathing on top of a large boulder. Apparently she'd sneaked a bright blue bikini in with her school books and changed behind a tent. Hauser raised an eyebrow, lips twitching slightly. "You want the workers ogling you?"

Chloe grinned up. "It's a savvy move on my part. See, Dad doesn't want them eyeballing me, so he makes them work harder. We'll be through this faster."

"That'd be good." Hauser squinted across the excavation sight. "Is there any food left?"

"We had lunch about an hour or two ago. Check one of the coolers."

The excavation site was a nigh-on impenetrable maze of tents, coolers, and pack horses. TV had set up his base on the fringes, under a small burlap pavilion. He, Ethelda and Heinrich huddled inside, trying to avoid the heat and blistering glare. Augst, wearing a pair of wrap-around sunglasses, was surveying closer to the caves.

Ethelda was sucking on an orange popsicle. She'd offered one to Heinrich, but he'd declined (who wanted a fruity, sticky mouth?). TV had taken a grape one and was trying to keep it from dripping on his laptop.

"I kind of like this region," Ethelda was saying. "When we initially surveyed it, our guide took Augst and me riding in the hills." She pointed towards the picket line. "See the gray dapple with the white mane? The one on the end. That's Domino. She's the sweetest thing."

Heinrich blinked. "It's a horse."

Ethelda suppressed a sigh. "You're not an animal person?"

"No." Heinrich resisted the urge to dab at his moist forehead. "I prefer to wield my mind towards helping humanity."

"Well, of course."

Lengthy silence.

"You're new to the Mongoose Squad?"

"Yes," Heinrich said. Long pause. "Have you been on it long?"

"About a year."

"Ah."

And another long pause.

Ethelda cleared her throat. "I like animals."

"Mm." Heinrich was aware that things could be going better. He needed to work in a few compliments, he realized. Intelligent, articulate ones. He cleared his throat. "Of course, the human affection for animals is proof of humanity's innate altruism."

Ethelda smiled again. It was, Heinrich thought, a charming smile, if a bit chapped and fruity around the lips. Probably she'd put on some lipstick for their date, or something. He wondered if she was the sort of woman who expected a kiss at the end of the date. If she was, would that end up being a good thing? Heinrich had kissed a few girls, once in a school play, and another because she'd cornered him at a dance, but no one had ever told him if he'd been especially skilled at it. Ethelda raised her eyebrows, waiting for him to go on. Heinrich cleared his throat. "It has long been thought that-"

"You're back, Hauser?"

Biting back a swear word, Heinrich followed the line of the Ethelda's gaze to where the Black Reaper was trooping dustily towards their pavilion. Heinrich cleared his throat again. "It has long been thought that man's affinity for canines belies an innate reliance on-"

"Is everything secure?" Ethelda asked as TV glanced up.

Hauser stopped in front of them. "Everything seems fine, for now. But I don't think we want to linger here. If the Congressionals haven't noticed this site, they soon will."

TV, still crouched over his laptop, sighed hard enough to ruffle his mustache. "That's easier said than done."

"Is there anything edible left?" Hauser asked. Ethelda used her popsicle stick to point to a cooler. Hauser tromped over and began to rummage.

Heinrich ran his hand through his hair. "Of course, the human fascination with the members of the felidae stem from entirely different motives. Cats, as I'm sure you know, have no pack structure, nor are they particularly gregarious."

"Sit down and relax," Ethelda scolded.

Hauser was unwrapping a ham and cheese sandwich. "Thanks, but I'm good." He took a healthy bite.

Heinrich fastened his eyes on Ethelda. "But you, I see, like the equidae."

With an effort, Ethelda pulled her eyes away from the Gene Driver (Heinrich could not begin to imagine what was so interesting about a man with spiky hair chewing a sandwich). "Horses? Oh, yes, I suppose."

"Well, man's fundamental interest in horses is for a beast of burden. In ancient times-" This time, it was Heinrich's eyes that strayed. Though he never admitted it to himself afterwards, his eyes were glued to the sight of Chloe Wallace sauntering through the camp. At least she'd had the decency to put on her shorts. TV pointed to the tarp beside him. "Get in here, young lady."

With an exaggerated pout, Chloe plunked her backside next to Ethelda and leaned her head against the older woman's shoulder. "I'm bo-o-o-o-red."

"You said you wanted to come," TV reminded her.

"No," Chloe explained, "I said I didn't want to babysit with Mrs. Pole."

"Hey, this is cool," Ethelda said. She leaned her head against Chloe's. "I can feel your voice vibrating through your bones when you talk."

"Hey, that _is_ cool."

"Yes," said Heinrich. "That property is called-"

"How much longer is this going to take?" said Chloe.

"Much longer," TV said grimly.

Chloe sat up straight. "Hauser!"

Having finished his sandwich, Hauser raised an eyebrow at her.

"Amuse me."

"How, your majesty?"

She gestured vaguely. "I don't know. Do something with your ARM."

"Shoot your thumb off?"

"Show her what we've been working on at the lab," Ethelda suggested. She turned to Chloe. "We've been testing out how many forms the ARM can take."

"Huh?" Chloe looked at Hauser. "I thought Gunclaw was a gun."

"It's nanomachines," Ethelda explained. She turned to Hauser and shrugged. "He just turns it into a gun."

"Well, turn it into something else."

Hauser looked thoughtful. There was a sudden shimmer across his right hand, and he was holding a long, double-bladed sword.

"B-o-o-o-ring."

There was another shimmer, and Hauser was grasping a lime green lawn flamingo. "Better?"

Ethelda nudged Chloe. "Observe his creative élan."

"Another!"

Shimmer. Now it was a bright pink inner-tube with a giraffe's head.

"Go on!"

Glimmer-shimmer. He was holding a china tea set, painted with green smiley faces. A thin line of steam rose from the tea pot's spout.

"Don't stop!"

Flash! Sizzle. It was a plate of waffles.

"Oooooo," said Chloe, entranced. "So, you could eat them?"

Hauser grimaced. "They're still nanomachines."

"Well, okay, let's see something else."

Hauser shook his head, and the plate of waffles vanished. "My head's starting to hurt."

"Is it?" TV asked. Looking over, Heinrich could see that TV had opened up a new file on his computer and was busy filling out a spread-sheet. "How much? Like a concussion or a migraine?"

"More like a migraine."

"Hm," said TV, scrolling through some already-full spreadsheets.

Chloe sighed. "Now I'm bored again. Amuse me some more. Do a handstand."

"No."

Chloe shook her head. "Aw, you never do handstands. Do something in Accelerator."

Hauser looked at her blankly.

"Ummm...Gimme your watch, Eth." Ethelda gave her her watch, and Chloe put it on her head. "Okay, remove that in Accelerator."

There was a faint blue flash around Hauser, just for a moment. After that moment, he was standing there with Ethelda's watch in his hand.

"Holy cow," said Chloe, delighted. "Sacred bovine! I didn't even see you move!"

TV had opened up yet another spreadsheet. "That's because he was already close to you. Did you feel anything?"

"Maybe a puff of air above my head, but not much."

TV nodded and typed her answer into the computer.

"This isn't the most appropriate environment to conduct scientific research," Heinrich observed. Hauser handed Ethelda's watch back. Heinrich wondered if he'd deliberately brushed his fingers against hers.

Heinrich wasn't in love with Ethelda. This wasn't denial, it was the plain truth. But Hauser knew perfectly well that today was his, Heinrich's, date with her, and a _gentleman_ knew which boundaries to respect.

"Okay, now I want you to..." Chloe thought a moment. "Jump in the air."

Hauser rolled his eyes. "Hell."

"Not in front of Chloe," TV said.

"Jump really high," Chloe said. She leaned forward, narrowing her eyes. "Betcha can't do it."

"That sort of psychology isn't going to work on him," TV mentioned.

Chloe sighed. "Aw...how do _you_ get him to do things?"

"I demand everything in the name of science."

Chloe slumped against Ethelda again. "So, are you excited about dating Heinrich?"

Ethelda obviously just barely stopped herself from saying "Uh..." What she said was, "Sure."

Heinrich smiled his small dignified smile again. Ethelda smiled back.

"What're you gonna wear?" Chloe wanted to know. "Ptolomea's pretty posh."

Ethelda shifted so that she was in a position to begin braiding Chloe's hair. "Oh, I don't know. I have a new blue dress I could wear..."

"Is it that dress we saw at Michelina's?"

"No, they didn't have it my size. It's one I found at the 7 East store. It's a Pete Inkapilia design."

"Oooo, tell me!"

Heinrich was beginning to grow bored. TV was putting some books on hold at a library website. Hauser had brought the Gunclaw out again and appeared to be running some checks.

"Well, it's royal blue-"

"To match your eyes."

"To match my eyes, yes, and it has a tulip skirt."

Heinrich vaguely wondered what a tulip skirt was and if it was something appropriate for him to be hearing about. He opened his folder and began looking for a page he'd filled out on his neighbor four doors down.

Ethelda was still talking. "And princess seams down the front. And sort of butterfly sleeves. Oh, and it has black beading along the waist."

"And a plunging neckline?"

Heinrich almost fumbled his folder but caught himself at the last minute.

"No, not _that_ plunging."

"Aw, why not? That's the whole point of being over eighteen, being able to wear plunging necklines without your dad having a hernia."

"Plunging necklines are more trouble than they're worth. First of all, they can be pretty uncomfortable. Second of all, with soldiers stationed in practically every town-"

"Well, maybe..."

"It has a sort of plunging back, though."

Ethelda finished braiding Chloe's hair, then the two females leaned against each other and fell momentarily silent.

Heinrich cleared his throat. "I was thinking we could go to dinner around six-thirty."

Ethelda smiled politely. "That would be fine."

"And then we could..." He gestured vaguely. "See a movie, if you want."

"Sure. What's playing?"

"Well, there's a new documentary on the Gob Culture. Such as it is."

"Doesn't Hauser have nice eyes?" Chloe asked.

"Uh- I suppose," Heinrich said automatically.

"I have what?" Hauser asked, looking up from his ARM.

"Nice eyes," Chloe repeated.

"They're quite lovely," said Ethelda. "Such a pretty blue."

"Why do you always have your hair in your face?" Chloe wanted to know.

"Uh," said Hauser.

"Now Heinrich," said Chloe with a bit of an edge in her voice, "_doesn't_ have nice eyes. It looks like God was eating a celestial watermelon and just spat the seeds into Heinrich's face."

Ethelda straightened. "That's it. No leaning against me if you're going to be mean."

"That's right," Hauser said, very intent on checking Gunclaw's scope. "God doesn't spit."

"The same goes for you," Ethelda said sternly.

"Never mind," Heinrich said evenly. "I am above such...childishness." He shot a quick look at Hauser, who was smiling vaguely.

"Besides," said Ethelda, "you have great eyelashes."

Heinrich touched his face blankly. "Wh-what?" In twenty-nine years, he'd never noticed his eyelashes. Had she been studying him that closely? Was she some sort of stalker? Was she enamored of him? Or were eyelashes one of those things that women noticed instantly and men never noticed once in their lives?

Ethelda gave him another charming smile.

Maybe she _was _enamored of him. Why else the sudden defense of his eyes?

A strange feeling flooded Heinrich's heart. It was pity, he realized. She was a nice girl, but he knew he could never love her back. But telling her that might break her heart.

He'd never had to break a woman's heart before. What would it be like?

Something black hurtled through the air. Heinrich swung away from Ethelda, alarmed. Chloe squealed with joy as Hauser leapt into the air, shot higher, turned a backflip, and landed squarely on his feet.

"Very nice," TV said. He turned to Heinrich. "Hauser is the only person I know who can create his own momentum while going up through the air."

"When I was little," Chloe said, "he used to pick me up in his arms and jump like that." She sighed regretfully. "I'm too heavy now."

Heinrich rolled his eyes. "Most impressive. Can he walk on water too?"

"Yup," TV and Ethelda said at the same time.

"It totally rocks," Chloe added. Then she clapped her hands imperiously. "Do more tricks!"

"I'll balance a crouton on my nose," Hauser deadpanned.

Chloe looked around. "This will make an excellent obstacle course." She pointed. "Okay, start at that purple tent and, in Accelerator, dodge around those pick-axes, scoot up that ridge, swing around the picket line, rush down that hill, swipe Augst's sunglasses, and bring them back to me in under ten seconds."

Hauser considered the course. "Five seconds."

Chloe shooed him. "Get to it, man! Ethelda, watch the clock."

Hauser strode over to the purple tent. As he raised his left hand, Ethelda turned to her watch. There was a blue flash, and Hauser had disappeared, though there was a sudden cloud of dust. The next thing they knew, Domino the gray mare was squealing in outrage and Hauser was rebounding off her hindquarters and flat onto his back.

The next thing Heinrich knew, there was a minor dust storm in his face as both Chloe and Ethelda went rushing out from under the pavilion down to the picket line. TV, encumbered by his laptop, was somewhat slower, and Heinrich paused to shake the dust out of his lab coat. By the time he'd trudged down to the horses, it was Chloe who was flat out on her back, laughing hysterically. The Black Reaper was sitting up, and Ethelda was kneeling next to him, brushing dust from his shoulders. TV was shaking his head. "I never would've guessed Accelerator had that effect."

"You never asked," Hauser said, pausing to rub his shoulder. His hand momentarily closed over Ethelda's. They stared at each other.

"Guessed what?" Heinrich asked, feeling a bit as though he were avenging himself.

"Everything moves more slowly in Accelerator," Hauser said. "Including the backsides of horses. I didn't notice it coming until it was way too late. Speaking of which-" He got to his feet. "I have to apologize to the old girl." Domino rolled her eyes towards him and flattened her ears.

"She looks like she's going to bite," Ethelda warned.

Domino lunged towards Hauser. There was a blue flash, and suddenly Hauser had caught her halter, standing with her head over his shoulder in a vexingly difficult place to bite. She dove for his belly-button, but he jerked her halter up. "I hate having animals mad at me," he admitted. "I mean, what do they need? Food, warmth and attention. If one hates you, it means you've really got a problem. Now then, what's your name?"

"She's called Domino," Ethelda said.

"Domino, is it? Poor Domino. Did the idiot me ram myself into your backside?"

Heinrich turned to Ethelda, who was now standing and watching Hauser with a (Heinrich thought) rather fat-headed expression on her face. "I think we should go back to the pavilion and discuss our plans further."

"No wonder you're angry." Hauser quickly stopped Domino before she could take out a chunk of his ribs. "It won't happen again, I promise." Holding Domino's halter tightly with his left hand, he reached around with his right and began to scratch the top of her head, right by the ears. It's a place where lots of itchy sweat and dirt collects that no horse, no matter how agile, can scratch on her own. Domino blinked in surprise and stopped gnashing her teeth.

"You're really good with her," Ethelda said softly.

Hauser shrugged. "I like animals."

Heinrich checked his watch. "It's getting late. We should see how the excavation is going."

Ethelda shook herself. "Oh. Yes, you're right-" She took a step in Heinrich's direction.

"Who's got big sleepy eyes?" asked Hauser. He was talking to the horse, of course, but Heinrich still gritted his teeth. Domino's big eyes were, indeed, growing sleepy, her entire face relaxing in a "I know I'm not going to be able to respect myself later" sort of way. Hauser had let go over her halter entirely and was using both hands to massage her jaw. Domino snorted and shook her head contentedly, ears flapping against each other.

Ethelda had come over and was stroking Domino's soft, supple nose. "That's incredible." She smiled up at Hauser, her eyes immediately shifting to Starry.

Heinrich coughed. "Studies show a direct correlation to animal dander and lung cancer. At least," he was forced to admit, "some studies have. And, um, you're already really sunburned, so we should get back in the shade."

Like magic, Ethelda Maverick's thoughts were miles away from anything remotely connected to Gene Drivers and their animal magnetism. She whipped around, clapping one hand to her cheek. "Oh no, am I really sunburned? I must've put on a solid inch of sunblock."

"Yup," said Chloe, having just dislodged herself from an argument with TV on the advisability of her bikini. She stared critically up at the older woman. "All along your cheeks and nose. Kind of cute, if you're going for the farmer in the dell look."

"I am not going for the farmer in the dell look," Ethelda snapped. She sighed. "Maybe some make-up will fix it." She smiled ruefully at Heinrich. "I hope you don't mind being seen with someone bright red."

"Oh, no -no, of course, not," Heinrich quickly said, though he suddenly did hope the lighting in Ptolomea's would be dim, and that Ethelda would remember to apply some chap stick. Just in case they did kiss goodnight. Heinrich frowned, puzzled. If they kissed, where should he put his hands? On her waist? Would that be forward? Well, he couldn't just hold his arms out to either side, that would look ridiculous. But what if he accidentally touched her hips and she slapped him? Would the slap mark fade completely before he had to go to work tomorrow? Would he have to apply make-up to cover it? He didn't know the first thing about make-up. Oh no! What if she became overly amorous and gave him a hickey?!

Heinrich shook himself. No, that probably wouldn't even be an issue. He hoped. Well, he thought he hoped. Well, he wasn't sure.

In any case, he had successfully pried his date away from the Gene Driver, and Heinrich couldn't help throwing his chest out a bit as they went back to the pavilion. The sun was angling closer and closer towards evening; Hauser Blackwell was walking directly behind Heinrich, and it threw Hauser's shadow over him; it didn't dampen Heinrich's mood because he didn't believe in symbolism.

As they were sitting under the pavilion, Heinrich was feeling pretty good about himself. Sure, he might not have a supercool Ambient Reorganization Material, and he might not be able to create his own momentum mid-air, or use Accelerator, or have naturally spiky hair, but he had it where it really mattered: brains, good looks, and charm.

"So, why are you so interested in behavioral sciences?" Ethelda asked, re-tying one of her boots.

_What a nice girl,_ Heinrich thought. _Knows just what to talk about._ He took a moment in responding, trying to think of the simplest way to begin.

Thirty minutes later, Ethelda said, "How interesting." By now it was clearly moving on towards sunset. TV was chewing his mustache in frustration over the diggers' slow progress. Chloe had put her tee shirt on over her bikini top and had assumed the lotus flower position, meditating. Hauser had tramped off to the far end of the site to reason with a group of Drifters who were eager to help "excavating".

"So," said Heinrich, a bit dry in the throat. "It's almost five. Shall we get going?"

"Yeah." Ethelda stretched. "We'll take my car. I need to change and freshen up."

"Chloe and I are going to be heading back too," said TV resignedly. "For now. Help me move some of this junk to the van."

"I'll collect Augst," Chloe said, unbending herself.

As they were heading back, TV's "junk" in their arms, Heinrich had himself and Ethelda drop back. "I do hope you'll enjoy our date," Heinrich said, feeling pretty good about his prospects.

"Of course."

"I must say, Ms Maverick-"

"Ethelda's fine."

"-I've never met a woman with such a keen interest in behavioral science before."

"Oh, I'm really not-"

"I admit, it surprised me initially."

Ethelda was silent a moment. "Why?"

Heinrich gave her a pleased smile. "Well, I thought you were just like all those other women." Ethelda looked around blankly, so Heinrich elaborated. "Hero-worshippers. You couldn't take your eyes off the ARM and its human accessory at first." Heinrich laughed shortly. "I'd almost given up the evening as a lost cause. But then I realized you do have a brain in that blonde head of yours. You listened to my entire lecture, and I'm sure it benefited you tremendously." She hadn't asked a single question throughout, probably blown away by his great mind. He smiled broadly. "You've restored my faith in womankind, Ms Maverick. You aren't all interested in beefcake and brawn."

"Getting along?"

Heinrich bit his inner lip, but refused to lose his momentum. He turned, flashing a smile bright as the sun at Hauser Blackwell, who had just fallen in step next to Ethelda.

"How'd it go with the Drifters?" Ethelda asked.

"Fine," Hauser said, fishing in his pocket and popping a Heal Berry into his mouth. His gaze dropped to the load she was carrying. "Here, I'll take that." Ethelda passed him several of the items, including the deconstructed pavilion and TV's fold-up chair.

"So, are you two headed out for dinner?" Hauser asked.

"Yes," Heinrich said firmly. "A nice private dinner."

"Where you'll discuss behavioral science?"

"...Yes." Heinrich eyed the larger man uneasily. Had he overheard their conversation? Had he overheard him, Heinrich, calling him, Hauser, a human ARM accessory? He sidestepped away from Ethelda and Hauser, then upbraided himself. He stepped back towards Ethelda. Hauser Blackwell had no right to bully him, no more than he had a right to horn in on Heinrich's date. "Yes, we will," Heinrich said steadily. "Ms Maverick has displayed a deep interest in behavioral science. In fact, I think she's rather wasted on nanotechnology." Hauser raised an eyebrow. "After all," Heinrich went on, "what is nanotechnologies ultimate worth, compared to the study of the human mind? Nothing! Just a passing fancy, it sometimes seems, a wartime diversion. Just an execuse to fiddle around with nanomachines and prattle about evolution. Yes, in my opinion, if she's wise, Ms Maverick will cease being an ARM scientist and divert her efforts towards the study of neoethical-"

"Eek!" said Ethelda, falling forward. She threw out her hands (and the contents of said hands) for balance. In alarm, Heinrich hopped back a step. In doing so, the front of his head connected rather loudly with the contents of Ethelda's hands.

Heinrich toppled backwards. Hauser shifted to Accelerator, placed the pavilion and fold up chair neatly to one side, leaned forward, and tenderly caught Ethelda before she bashed her pretty face into the unforgiving desert ground. He righted her.

Ethelda took a deep breath, obviously rattled, and looked towards Heinrich. "Is he hurt?"

Hauser glanced. "He's bleeding a bit." (Maybe it was the sight of blood that made him forget to release her).

TV and Chloe, having heard the CLUNK of impact, came running over. "What happened?" asked TV.

"I fell," Ethelda said. "And I put out my arms to catch myself and-"

TV groaned. "You have my laptop!"

Ethelda examined it from all angles. "It doesn't seem to be damaged. But one corner caught Heinrich right in the forehead."

Heinrich was sitting up, head between his hands, swearing softly.

Ethelda winced. "Is -our date off?"

TV studied the head wound and sighed. "You might want stitches. Come on, I'll drive you to the hospital."

"What happened here?" Augst wanted to know, coming from where he'd been loading up TV's car. "Have the Congressionals found us?"

"A bloody accident!" Chloe exulted.

"We're going to have to swing by the hospital," said TV.

"I _am_ sorry," Ethelda said, passing over the laptop. She smiled up at Hauser, who released her a bit hesitantly.

They trooped back to the cars, Heinrich leaning on TV and holding one of Augst's handkerchiefs to his forehead. As they finished up loading the car, Ethelda turned to Hauser. "So, do you want to do dinner?"

Hauser looked interested. "Pizza?"

TV helped Heinrich into the car. Augst turned to Chloe. "Which takes more talent? Accelerating while moving up through the air, or tripping on evenly-packed dirt?" But he didn't say it in the hearing of Heinrich. Thus for Heinrich, though it was by no means a great day, it was not as bad a day as it might've been.


End file.
